7. Music-Mind: Imposters Unite!
Musicians and Imposter Syndrome
First question -
Is Imposter Syndrome really A Thing ?
For the people that have it, it certainly is.
But it’s not a thing in the sense that a tumor or a broken finger is a thing.
This is true of many psychological syndromes that are not visible, tangible or material, but rather are a collection of immaterial descriptors bundled into a snazzy term. This term then offers a useful shorthand for mental health professionals to approach diagnostics and treatments, and the term may have the power to sell self-help books. But the term can feel like a burden when applied onto a suffering person.
(Oh man.. something else to ‘have’…)
Imposter Syndrome isn’t a diagnosis and it isn’t listed in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). However, many artists don’t blink an eye before nodding vigorously when asked if they know what Imposter Syndrome is. They know!
The sublime actor Viola Davis went so far as to say that every artist knows something about Imposter Syndrome.
I wholeheartedly recommend Viola Davis’ book Finding Me, which presents intensely hard-won insights about integrating the most excruciatingly difficult experiences into the whole fabric of an artist’s life.
She’s honest, strong, vulnerable, and wise.
If Imposter Syndrome isn’t a thing, why is it so immediately recognizable to so many people, especially artists? One could make the case that Imposter Syndrome is a fundamental aspect of being human.
As sentient beings, we are aware of ourselves and of our perceived place in the world. We tell ourselves stories, consciously and unconsciously, about our place within the scope of things.
These stories could run along the continuum of …
Feelings of being an Imposter occupy an area on the slightly blue side of the ‘normal’ distribution, between the extreme poles of self-loathing and pathological grandiosity.
Being in the ‘imposter zone’ may not be a comfortable or pleasant place to occupy, but it’s human. As sentient beings, self-doubt is part of our emotional DNA.
People often experience fundamental doubts in their abilities and accomplishments, and often do so in painful isolation. I do wish they would be more open and forthcoming about these things.
The doubting person may present an aura of success to the world. By objective standards, they may have achieved a lot. A hell of a lot. But being successful and feeling successful are not the same things. And feeling like an imposter can be a hard pattern to shake, and might even grow more intense with each success, as the stakes of success rise, along with fears of being exposed at a higher professional level.
I’ve often heard these kinds of statements from students and world-renowned artists alike:
Often, people feel like they are not up to the challenges they are confronted with in their lives. This insecurity can show up in professional contexts, especially in those in which there is a high degree of competition, comparison, and a scarcity of opportunity (sound familiar, musicians?).
Very often, this nagging doubt is compounded by societal inequities. It’s easier to have Imposter Syndrome if there are not many people in your field who…
…have your skin color.
…come from your part of the world.
…grew up with similarly difficult life circumstances.
…are the same gender.
"I once thought I had creative talent, but I gave up the idea. A woman shouldn't aspire to compose - there has never been one who could. Should I assume I'm the only one who could?"
Clara Schumann
How immensely sad that Clara Schumann felt this way.
What an unfortunate loss of a potentially immense creative voice.
In a world with more Equality, there would be less Imposter Syndrome.
In a world with more Opportunity, there would be less Imposter Syndrome.
In a world without Crass Commodification of human abilities and talents, there would be less Imposter Syndrome.
To drive the point home that Imposter Syndrome is aggravated by societal inequities, here are two articles that focus on the sociology of Imposter Syndrome:
‘Impostor syndrome’ is a pseudo-medical name for a class problem
The Guardian
Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome
Harvard Business Review
It’s (hopefully) worthwhile to say that the problem isn’t primarily an individual pathology, but rather a societal ailment. However, we can more effectively approach problems at an individual and/or small group level than at a societal change level. So, here we are.
Certain aspects of performance may conflict with a basic human need for belonging. Through performance, one presents oneself as exceptional.
Evolutionarily speaking, it can be lonely to be a howling lone wolf [on the stage of Carnegie Hall].
Lone wolves risk exposure and exile. Lone wolves run the risk of being ‘found out’ and ostracized.
Imposter Syndrome tends to flourish in individuals who are stuck in environments in which there is constant competition and comparison. It tends to flourish in creative professions, especially among freelancers, where one believes one is “only as good as one’s last performance”.
Two behavioral patterns linked to Imposter Syndrome are perfectionism and procrastination.
Perfectionism is, in this context, not a desire to achieve great things, but rather an instinct to avoid painful exposure. A typical thought pattern might be: “If I just check every single (f-ing) box on the ‘perfection scorecard’, there will be no danger of exposure, I can continue to hide my deficiencies and people won’t recognize that I’m actually a total mess.” Procrastination patterns show up in conjunction with Imposter Syndrome, especially in people who were lavishly praised (as children) for their natural abilities and talents. When these former special children are confronted with stark professional challenges, they may experience a crippling fear of exposure and procrastinate to painful extents, often putting their mental and physical health at risk when the deadlines dangerously loom.
Three Antidotes to Imposter Syndrome
Letting the Good (Enough) In
Cultivating a Sense of Authenticity
Speak It, Loud and Clear!
Letting the Good (Enough) In
Violinist Jascha Heifetz suggested an insightful way of navigating the professional requirements of excellence with the need for experiences of mastery and freedom:
“Don’t give a Damn” implies a breezy quality of playful self-mastery, maintaining a productive distance to the act of practicing/performing that enables a quickly changing aperture between minuscule care and brazen nonchalance.
Ohhh… if it were only that easy…
But it is a practicable skill to cultivate a mental framework in which the good (enough) sinks in. This was thematicized a bit in the article on Confidence.
Cultivating a sense of Authenticity
How many times have you heard the phrase:
To which we all should probably say….
How about we replace this old and tired maxim with:
“Do your best… (please)”.
If one’s everyday reality is mired in a sense of fakery and one is not living life in a way that feels authentic, one compounds the doubts and insecurities that feed into Imposter Syndrome. Living authentically is a big topic, perhaps better suited for another article. To approach it a bit superficially, one can state that living an authentic existence is a constant, perhaps daily conversation-dance between the systems of deeply-held values rubbing up against the needs for living in the (imperfect) world. So much to say about that, stay tuned…
Speak It, Loud and Clear!
Sometimes our own internal voices are our worst critics. In this case, we can explore why these internal voices are so gosh darn vicious and noisy. Maybe it’s an internalized voice of a critical parent or teacher? Perhaps there are supportive voices elsewhere to draw from?
Sometimes, I hear people imagining the horrid things they imagine their colleagues, teachers and friends might say about them… (“What a joke!” “That girl can’t play to save her life!” “What an embarrassment!”)
Now please understand- these are imagined voices, and they are AWFUL. Cynical, cold-hearted, sadistic, and schadenfreudig! These voices can bore into our heads and wreak havoc there. One can get caught up in the shame of imagined critique and get stuck under the grips of these hellions.
One is caught in a shame-cycle.
One feels exposed to the hard light of others’ (imagined) condemnations.
One isolates oneself from others to avoid exposure.
Dr. Brené Brown is a leading researcher on shame and vulnerability, and the topic of shame plays a big role in her books and talks. As a way of approaching an overwhelming sensation of shame, Brown suggests learning to recognize and understand the shame triggers, developing critical awareness about the web of shame, and being willing to reach out to others and to “speak the shame”.
This openness to expressing one’s own vulnerability with regard to issues of shame undoubtedly helps on an individual level. Learning to find outlets for communication of this shame is also an act of social courage. Being open to ‘speaking shame’ in various contexts contributes to societal and cultural change, in musicians' fields and beyond.
Maybe it could potentially make Imposter Syndrome obsolete.
Thoughts?